It used to be
i would go to church
and wait for God,
i would go to school
and wait for God,
i would lie in bed
and wait for God.

Now i am sick of waiting.
i do not expect to see Him
hear Him
feel Him
i am too busy to see
listen
feel
change
i am trapped by the waiting
i am trapped by the staying busy
i am trapped by the silence

i long for God
but do not know Him.
He is alien to me now.
i do not recognize His face
i cannot recognize His voice
i do not remember His touch
i cannot remember how to change.

What is it to yield?
What is it to feel whole?
What is it to know hope
taste it
fly?

Now i sit alone
surrounded
divided
i have no friends
(i do not say this to hurt but express)
solitude
i try (so hard
i try so hard)
but am always apart
never a part, always apart

i say hello
this is who i am
i wait
people come and go
strangers call themselves "friend"
i do not know you
you do not know me
i will share your pain
i will listen
i will cry
i wish i could make it all better
(like a mother, i will kiss)

but i am always waiting
have seen it over and over
and over again
someday you will hurt me
someday you will have done nothing wrong
and it will all be my fault
(or so you will tell me)

this is nothing new
it echoes on the wind
echoes with my heartbeat
is in every "hello" and "goodbye"
every "hey" and "later"

i am not greedy
i take what love i can get
but afterwards i lie in pieces
wondering how to rebuild

and i wait.